When I was younger, I assumed there were no arguments among adults. I thought that you got to a certain age and everyone just ‘got along’. A difference of opinion was completely regular but accepted. Should a voice become raised or a ‘heated discussion’ ensue, then it would be swiftly dealt with and everyone would go back to being friends within minutes. After all, what else in the world could cause arguments larger than ‘Sticklebricks Vs Lego’ or who the best Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is?
How wrong I was.
So next I went through a phase of trying to get everyone to see my opinion. I didn’t particularly want to fight, because I didn’t enjoy it. So as long as your opinion fitted with mine, there were no arguments. For most part this worked. I hated work, people, and washing up - pretty standard stuff for a teenager I’d say. This attitude I hasten to add lasted until maybe my early 20’s, and soon made me aware this wasn’t perhaps the best one to adopt in my quest for understanding disagreements and matters of opinion.
So I needed a new rack to hang my ideals on. So whether it was wrong or not, I went the other way and got into assuming I was always wrong. About everything. As you get older you begin to hang out with people that aren’t all the same age as you. When you don’t know them or have a clue how old they are, there exists that mystery. So I tended to assume they instantly knew more than me - about everything. Occasionally this would cause much frustration to me, as when sat in front of them I’d simply nod in agreement not knowing entirely why, when much of what was being said was utter shite. It didn’t fit with my opinion but I was too afraid to suggest otherwise.
Soon, and only within the last few years, I decided that maybe I wasn’t always wrong. Maybe my Mum, my girlfriend or friends telling me that I had a lot to offer had something. I didn’t consider them stupid, (only some of the time!) so why would they be friends with someone who was?
The answer? I don’t suppose they would.
So gradually I began to strengthen my ability to speak up in situations where I thought things were wrong. I remember being in a meeting with a new client regarding their website and how it might be improved. I realised about a quarter of the way in that I had absolutely no idea about how they functioned based on what their website said. Usually I would’ve kept quiet and simply assumed it was because I was wrong and simply didn’t understand, but then something in my head said “this doesn’t seem like one of those occasions when you may be wrong”. So at the risk of losing their respect, and their work, I just asked “urm, I don’t get it”. It was like I broke the ice. Soon everyone else in the room kind of said “yeah, I’m not entirely sure about….” and the client themselves began speaking in a manner that made sense to everyone.
It also seemed to form something more of a bond with client. Like they respected my honesty for speaking up as opposed to staying quiet and therefore staying confused. How on earth am I supposed to better a website I myself don’t understand?
Today it amazes me how with certain people you just ‘get on’ while others it feels more like a chore to be around. That uncomfortable feeling when you just can’t be yourself around them and say what you’d like in fear of them thinking you were either crazy or just plain stupid. It’s even worse when they’re the very opinionated people that you remembered once being. For those I simply feel a little bit saddened. Recognising the people I connect with and those that I don’t is such a big part of my life, and I very much value the people that I do.
I’d really love to know what it is other than just ‘chemistry’ that makes this happen.
Now I find people I connect with quite a bit. I understand their point of view and automatically they see mine. We get on, we understand the thoughts and we connect.
Maybe it’s a creative thing, maybe it’s just being human, but if there’s one thing I’ll take to the grave with me, it’s that everybody, is different.


